I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
