Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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