And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
