that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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