As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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