if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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