discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
