i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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