U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize