do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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