I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you win again, gameday.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
