you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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