my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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