So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
