Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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