I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
