i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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