Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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