I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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