i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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