Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
