The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So much rum. So many feels.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
