I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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