is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
