is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
