He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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