Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
