Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
