I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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