that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize