Soap is not a condiment
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
