You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
