I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
