Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
