Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
