No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
