You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm like, not good at living.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
