the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
