i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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