This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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