i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
