next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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