I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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