So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
