glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
