Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
