He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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