did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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