I wanna passion pit in your ass
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
