you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
