First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize