It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize