Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
