Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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