I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think my fart just growled at me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
