just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yo dont text me then not text me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Did I show you my penis last night?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
