My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
