You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
