U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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