i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
