You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Couch. On fire.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
