Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize