I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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