none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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