No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
