currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
