another moral hangover. fuck.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
