piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she told me i tasted like america
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
