i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
