I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
