I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
