my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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