eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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