apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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