You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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