she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
