I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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