When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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