She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's official drugs can't kill me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize