i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
