Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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