I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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