My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Every concussion has its silver lining
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
