He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
