So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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