Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
