ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
