How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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