i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
be right there i have to get my cape
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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