Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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