ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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