If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will pee on everything he values.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
