How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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