I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
