we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
