he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
