I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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