So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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