her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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