I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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